RaNdOm AcCeSs HuMoR
Terms of Service
The publisher grants each visitor to this website a non-exclusive
license to view the pixels on these pages and have them register on
the visitor's optic nerve. Whatever processing the grey matter at the
other end of the optic nerve performs on any pixels obtained through
this license is entirely the responsibility of the visitor.
This licensing offer may be altered or withdrawn by the publisher
at any time with or without notice. This offer is void where prohibited
by law or common sense.
Nothing is Sacred Here!
The only sacred cows you'll find here are roasting over a nice fire made
from real wood. If your mind can't digest meaty subjects, especially those
presented in an acid fashion, take your browser
somewhere safe now.
We're Not Radicals...
We don't advocate racism, holes in the ozone, holes in human bodies
(made by bullets, knives, or other things), animal abuse, child abuse,
mother-in-law abuse, drunk driving, homophobia, or any of the plethora
of other things that are so popular to be concerned about these days.
We're Willing To Laugh At Anything!
But we don't run screaming from these topics either, at least if we
think we can make them funny. Everyone's sense of humor is different,
of course, so your mileage may vary. Simply realize that the publisher
of this site thinks everything here is funny. Or at least he thought
all these items were funny when he posted them. Even though he is male,
he reserves the right to change his mind.
No Offense Intended
If you don't like humor out on the edge of good taste (and sometimes
over it), then you should go back from whence you came. There are plenty
of boring, predictable, concerned
sites out there from which to choose.
Although this site is not obscene, and should be legal in most
jurisdictions on Planet Earth, it does contain some harsh language. If
you're offended by bad words you may be happier elsewhere.
Jupiter is alleged to be pleasant this time of year.
"It's Not My Fault!" - Han Solo
This entire publication is a work of satire (except for these legal
bits here). If anyone takes offense to something published herein,
the fault (a lack of a sense of humor) lies with them and not with
the magazine. The editors and publisher will not be held responsible
for the use or misuse of any information contained in this magazine.
By viewing this site you acknowledge responsibility for your own
opinions, feelings, neuroses, hangups, and actions. The people
depicted in this publication's articles/stories are highly trained,
professional fictional characters. Do not attempt to reproduce their
actions/statements at home, work, or anywhere else. Doing so will
merely prove you to be sillier than the people who wrote this malarky.
Random Access Humor (RAH) is published by Dave Bealer as a disservice
to the online community. There is no set publishing schedule. New stuff
is published whenever the publisher gets a round tuit. RAH is a creature
of the web and is not affiliated with any specific network, ISP, or online
service. RAH is a compilation of individual articles contributed by
their authors. The contribution of articles to this compilation does
not diminish the rights of the authors. The opinions expressed in
RAH are those of the authors and are not necessarily those of the
editors, staff, publisher, or advertisers.
Random Access Humor is Copyright 1992-2003 Dave Bealer. All Rights
Reserved. Unauthorized duplication and/or re-distribution is prohibited.
You may always point links from your site to the RAH site, or even to
particular articles. (Note that articles do change regularly, so those
kinds of links may break fairly quickly.) Copying an item from RAH to
your site is another matter entirely (a prohibited matter, in fact). The
rights for individual articles remain with their authors. Obtain permission
from the author before publishing, posting, or otherwise distributing
anything published in RAH. If no author or copyright holder is specified
for a particular item, contact the publisher for permission. The only
exception to this rule is for items that are specifically identified in
RAH96 as being public domain.
Random Access Humor and the tumbling letters logo are trademarks
of Dave Bealer. Many of the brands and products mentioned in RAH are
trademarks, registered trademarks, or servicemarks of their respective owners.
All of the MIDI sequences and graphics files used in RAH fall into one
of these categories (to the best of our knowledge, at least):
The RAH staff, being intellectual property creators/owners themselves,
are anxious to avoid infringing on the rights of other intellectual
property owners. If you believe your property is being improperly used
in RAH, please let us know immediately.
- Original creative works. All rights belong to the author. (All RAH
logos are the original artwork of the publisher.)
- Public domain files obtained from network archives. (The RAH staff
is extemely grateful to those who make the effort to provide these archives.)
- Commercial material licensed from the owner, either on an individual
"per item" basis, or as part of a collection.