Proctor:
"You will have two hours to complete the midterm.
Starting now. Good luck everybody."
John:
"Eight questions . . . doesn't look too bad. OK, let's see,
question 1: `Describe how the coefficients in the binomial
theorem are related to combinations of the exponents. Express
the theorem in concise summation notation.' A little work, but
definitely doable. That would be . . ."
(((POOF)))
Hal:
Hi Bob!
John:
"Whoa! Who are you?"
Hal:
I'm a hallucination. You should definitely NOT have stayed up
all night last night cramming for this midterm, Bob.
John:
"A hallucination? How does a hallucination know it's a hallucination?
On second thought, never mind! Just be quiet and leave me alone. I only
have two hours."
Hal:
Not so fast, Bob. Your exhausted mind created me so now you
have to deal with it! Hah! This is sure is going to be fun, Bob!
John:
"The binomial coefficients . . ."
Hal:
Say Bob, isn't that a huge hairy spider climbing up your arm?
John:
"Aaaaugh!"
Proctor:
"Is there a problem up there?"
John:
"No, sorry, sir.
Hal:
Got you that time, Bob! That was way too easy! Whoopee! This is such fun!
John:
"Where was I? The binomial coefficients are . . ."
Hal:
Say, isn't that Patty LeBombshell in the front row? Ooh-la-la! What a honey!
John:
"Huh? Oh, yeah, she is. I can't think about that right now."
Hal:
I know someone who CAN, while you're too busy that is . . . .
(((POOF)))
Lust:
Who woke me up? Oh, wow! Look at the hooters on that honey in the front row!
I wonder what she would look like covered in strawberry preserves. Hmmm . . . .
John:
"Who are you?"
Lust:
I'm Lust, as if it wasn't obvious from my profile. I'm one of
the Seven Deadly Sins you read about this semester in English.
Let's see the others are . . .
(((POOF)))
Envy:
Oh, I wish I had his profile.
John:
"Please, I can't think about this now. Will you guys just go
away? No? Okay, then just be quiet."
Envy:
Ooh, I wish I had his command presence. Beautiful speaking
voice. Not like my whiny little voice. It's so forceful.
(((POOF)))
Mr. T:
I pity the fool that created a hallucination that looks like me!
John:
"Oh my God! What part of my mind created him? What's next? Rosa Lopez?"
(((POOF)))
Rosa: Si?
John:
"Aaaaaagh!! Will you people please shut up?!?"
Proctor:
"Excuse me, but these outbursts are disruptive to the other
students. Please try to control yourself!"
John:
"Sorry, sir . . . sorry. I'll try to keep them under control.
Proctor:
"Uh, what?"
John:
"Never mind. Sorry.
Lust:
Hey, Rosa, honey, what are you doing after he passes out?
Mr. T:
Where's the food? I pity the poor fool who doesn't cater his
hallucinations! I could eat a dinosaur!
(((POOF)))
Barney:
"I love you, you love me . . ."
(((POOF)))
Gluttony:
I could certainly help you eat part of that dinosaur.
As a matter of fact, I could probably tackle the whole
grape flavored morsel . . .
Envy:
Ooh, I wish I had his appetite. I couldn't even finish that
huge hairy spider on John's arm.
John:
"Aaaaugh! Ooops. Sorry."
Hal:
Don't look at me that way. It wasn't me that time. Looks like
you need an exterminator.
(((POOF)))
Terminator:
Are you Sarah Connor?
Lust:
Do I know her? What does she look like? Does she wear thong bikinis?
(((POOF)))
Kathy Ireland
Oh, Hi John. Could you help put sun screen on my practically naked body?
John:
"Please, not in front of Barney."
Barney:
"I love you, you love me . . ."
(((POOF)))
Michael Crichton:Jurassic Park was a good movie, no matter what
you say. Okay, so it wasn't as cerebral as the
book, but you have to "dumb things down" for the
great unwashed masses.
John:
"No, you don't. I hate when you make that assumption."
Michael Crichton:
It made lots of money, anyway.
Envy:
Ooh, I wish I had his money.
(((POOF)))
The Baltimore Orioles:
Listen, this isn't about the money . . .
Hal:
It certainly is getting crowded in here.
John:
"I'm sorry, were you talking to me? I was just thinking there
was something I should be doing . . . HEY, somebody get Lust
away from Kathy Ireland!
Proctor:
"Time's up, people. Please put your work on my desk as you leave."
John:
"Party time! Hal, you buy the pizza!"
(((POOF!)))
Greg Borek is a C programmer with a "Highway Helper" (okay, "Beltway Bandit"
- but don't tell his boss we told you.) in Falls Church, VA. He has previously
been mistaken for a vampire. Greg can be reached via e-mail at:
Random Nonsense:
We're sorry, Reality is not in service at this time.