Best of RAH96 Editorial
Random Insanity Online: The Next Generation
by Dave Bealer
Copyright © 1996 Dave Bealer, All Rights Reserved.
Here we go again...RAH is back. RAH. Something so blatantly
improbable that many people who read it thought they had suddenly been
transported inside a Douglas Adams novel. (Hey, they're a ball to read,
I grant you. But have you ever considered living in one of them?)
Just a couple of months after quitting the electronic publishing game, I'm
right back at it again. I've always been a glutton for punishment, but
this is more than slightly ridiculous. A few things have changed, though.
1) I'm four years older now than when the original RAH first took to the
virtual air of cyberspace. So are all of you. Whether any of us are wiser
remains to be seen. (Hint: If you were reading RAH back in 1992 and you're
reading this now, your wisdom quotient is one hurtin' puppy.)
B) The RAH writing team has more experience and, in general, a more mature
writing style. Only time (and the readers) will tell if our stuff is as
funny as it once was.
3) The medium has changed. It's a large now.
D) But seriously, folks... the World Wide Web offers a vast new array
of ways for a publisher to his readers. There were
serious limitations on that kind of thing in the ASCII text-based world
of the original RAH. Add a MIDI-based soundtrack and you're talking a
major barf-inducing opportunity. Hey, at least I'm aware of these facts.
Most of the pathetic geekazoids who inflict blinking graphic horrors on
unsuspecting web crawlers have each other totally convinced that they're
being cool. (A free clue for these clowns: try walking along the Las Vegas
strip at night. Sure, the gaudy flashing lights are exciting to look at
for an hour or two. Just try spending a solid week there and see how you
feel about that incessant flashing by the time you're heading to the
airport for your return flight.)
Don't even get me started on that infernal Server Push "feature" they
have in the new servers and browsers. A whole screen that is flashing is
just what my diminishing eyesight needs. I can literally feel my eyeballs
shrivel in their sockets every time I try to read one of those idiotic
Oh, joy! The Techno-Weenie Ltd. logo is changing color every second or
so. All that at the mere cost of me going blind a day or two sooner than
nature intended. Thanks a bunch! I'll be sure to find some way of adequately
expressing my appreciation to your firm.
(Oh, dear! Has my attention wandered again? Let's get back to the subject
5) No dead lines. All RAH96 articles are carefully checked for dead lines
before being posted live on the web. Wait! Make that deadlines. We get the
new stuff done when it's done. If that's not fast enough for you... invest
a few hundred hours a month and see if you can do better. Besides, there
are always sites on the RAH96 Funny/Useful Links On The Web page to check
out. (RAH96 motto: we post no joke before its time.) On the upside, since
there is no set monthly "printing schedule", new material is likely to
show up at any time. We will mark such items appropriately in the Table
F) The characters have taken over. I never had any imaginary friends as a
child - and precious few real ones. So now I'm talking to the characters
I created for RAH. Some of those crazy wanna-beings just won't take "no" for
an answer...and at least one of them has a knife.
So here we go again. For better or worse, in sickness and in health,
yadda, yadda... the RAH96 boys are back in Cybertown. Hide the caffeine
and the whoopie cushions.
Dave Bealer is a fifty-something mainframe systems programmer who
works with CICS, z/OS and all manner of nasty acronyms at one of the
largest heavy metal shops on the East Coast. He shares a waterfront
townhome in Pasadena, MD. with a cat who annoys him endlessly as he
assiduously avoids writing for and publishing Random Access Humor.
Dave can be reached via e-mail at:
Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.