Here is the definitive trove of official answers to the most frequently asked questions about Random Access Humor (RAH). Please look through this document for answers to any questions you may have before asking a staff member via e-mail. If the answer to your question is contained herein you will simply be referred back to this document anyway. If you need further clarification on something feel free to write, but be prepared to be smacked in the head with a rubber chicken if the answer to your question appears three or more times in this FAQ document.

Q) What's all this, then? (i.e. What is the purpose of this site?)

A) Many people think of this site as a worthless pit of degradation. While these folks may be correct, the staff considers RAH to be the finest electronic humor magazine available online. It will probably require the services of court-appointed psychiatrists to determine who is right.

Q) In what formats is RAH available?

A) RAH is available only in HTML format on the World Wide Web.

Q) What about in plain ASCII text format?

A) Sorry. RAH is available only in HTML format on the World Wide Web.

Q) How about in hardcopy? On newsstands?

A) You really don't get this, do you? RAH is available only in HTML format on the World Wide Web.

Q) What about in Postscript, so I can print it myself?

A) RAH is available only in HTML format on the World Wide Web. This is a recording.

Q) How do I change the text and background colors of the RAH pages?

A) RAH is available only in HTML format on th... no! Wait! Many browsers allow you to override the colors defined in the HTML documents you are viewing. The same goes for displaying/not displaying the graphics files included in the pages. Check your browser documentation for details on how to change these settings. (See the FAQ section on Troubleshooting for more information on our policy regarding this kind of thing.)

Q) Is there any kind of fee to access/read RAH?

A) Our policy is to never charge the end user a fee to access the web edition of RAH. This doesn't mean there is suddenly such a thing as a free lunch. We plan to make money from advertising which will appear on the RAH pages. Eventually we may offer t-shirts, caps, sweatshirts, towels, shower curtains, and stuffed hamsters emblazoned with the RAH logo for sale to our readers (that is, if more than six people ever show interest in the magazine).

Q) Will the stuffed hamsters be radioactive?

A) They can be, but that will cost extra. Lead-lined boxes require a lot of postage.

Q) Will the stuffed hamsters be rabid?

A) What are you, some kind of nut? Rabid hamsters, even dead ones, are incredibly dangerous!

Q) It is possible to buy advertising in RAH?

A) We're not actually sure why anyone would want to, but no. RAH gets all its banner ads from the Clickfunny Banner Exchange.

Q) Does RAH accept submissions from freelance writers?

A) No. Since RAH is no longer being actively published, we have no need for submissions of new material.

Q) Why can't I get the RAH pages to load?

A) It could be any number of reasons:

1. The web may be really busy now. Please try again later. (Hint: if you're reading this, the problem must have been solved.)
2. Something on your computer may not be configured correctly. (See next question.)
3. Our Internet Service Provider may be experiencing problems. Of course that could never happen since their ads say they have all kinds of backup systems. And we believe everything we read in ads...don't you?

Q) Can you help me figure out why my copy of Netscape/MSIE/Mosaic/Lynx or Windoze/Quicken/Wordstar/Hack/Doom/BOB isn't working?

A) Unfortunately not. We have an agreement in effect with Netscape, Microsoft, and most of the other major software companies. We don't provide tech support (half-assed or otherwise) for their products, and they don't write jokes (stupid or otherwise) for our magazine. Each group sticks to what they claim to be good at, and everyone benefits from this in the end.